It is funny how contentedness seems to work, at least for me. For awhile I will be completely satisfied, and then in a single moment all of my satisfaction is shattered into millions of pointy fragments. This has been one of those days.
Last night I found myself feeling contentedly pacified; willing to accept my current lot in life, willing to settle. After I fell asleep, and dreamed dreams as humans do, I found myself feeling a level of happiness I'm currently lacking. Don't get me wrong, I am not unhappy, but now that I feel that there is another level of satisfaction (which in reality I knew), I am no longer content with my current lot.
I have been squandering precious and valuable time doing nothing, and progressing essentially nowhere. Often I feel my dissatisfaction can be associated with the angst of youth, and the mature thing would be to settle for what I'm given, but I don't feel this is completely true. Settling is certainly a part of coming into maturity, but settling for everything is ludicrous. For someone to let themselves be content with mediocrity (the establishment is what it is), gads, I can't do it. I can't. It's killing me.
Right now I'm musing over what I can do to reach the next level. It is almost as if each level of satisfaction is a different plane of existence, and each one is more satisfying, more glorious than the next. To reach each succeeding plane is going to require the shedding of some form of tether that is tying me to the ground, blocking my ascension.
If ascending to higher levels of reality is where contentedness and happiness exist in higher abundance, then growing up certainly has a different meaning. If that is the case, to grow up does not mean to accept the establishment for what it is and live with it, but rather it means to ascend above the establishment, understand what it is, and then understand why your existence is so much greater than any societal constraints that attempt to tell you what it means to "be".
There is so much life to be lived, there are so many things to be seen. The establishment cannot define you, rather, you must define the establishment. I am no longer willing to be lulled and pacified into that societal dredge. I will not be satisfied with settling.
I have the will to make this change, but I do not yet know how to get to that next bastion of existence. I will let myself be satisfied with where I am in life temporarily so that I am not miserable, but I will not let myself be pacified into thinking that where I am now is where I should be. I can let myself be happy, but I must move on from this splendid mediocrity. I need to figure out how to execute my plans for change, for I have been settling with just hoping for change for far too long. Hope, no matter how great, has no power to execute anything.
29.7.08
Thinker
Thinking men don't like to think that they may actually have to do. They hope that once the dream is made, someone else will realize it into reality for them; I've come to decide that manner of thinking is a bunch of hog wash really, it is incomplete.
It is like the concept of making everyone aware that there is a problem, but not doing anything to combat the problem. Awareness is all fine and dandy, but if no one actually does anything about the situation, the situation will never change.
I enjoy being a thinker, I really like thinking about things. I've always considered myself a thinking man, but in order to progress as a human being I need to reach the next level. I need to become a reality maker, not just a dream dreamer, a flight of fantasy builder.
Those with real power over their fate are those few who have the imagination to dream, and then the bravado to make that dream into something real. Some people seem not to have the capacity to be both, in that case they have to find someone else to take up the other half of the duty (either dreaming or creating). Alas there are many who will not find their creative partner.
A person who is both a doer and a thinker is a person who is a creator. Someday I hope to fancy myself a creator of both things great and small, instead of just half of the equation, a thinker.
It is like the concept of making everyone aware that there is a problem, but not doing anything to combat the problem. Awareness is all fine and dandy, but if no one actually does anything about the situation, the situation will never change.
I enjoy being a thinker, I really like thinking about things. I've always considered myself a thinking man, but in order to progress as a human being I need to reach the next level. I need to become a reality maker, not just a dream dreamer, a flight of fantasy builder.
Those with real power over their fate are those few who have the imagination to dream, and then the bravado to make that dream into something real. Some people seem not to have the capacity to be both, in that case they have to find someone else to take up the other half of the duty (either dreaming or creating). Alas there are many who will not find their creative partner.
A person who is both a doer and a thinker is a person who is a creator. Someday I hope to fancy myself a creator of both things great and small, instead of just half of the equation, a thinker.
Mein Kampf mit Leben
Life is interesting. I find myself making that statement quite often. I find myself at this time still struggling with some self inflicted mediocrity, but no worries, I'm working on it (albeit slowly). I cleaned out the freezer and refrigerator today... is this small step foreshadowing greater things to come? I most certainly hope so (in the depths of my mind there is an Aqualung style vagrant mocking me, but not for long!).
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