These ghosts keep coming back, with serrated words and bedeviled eyes. I feel the devil in them, but maybe the devil is in me. Not even sleep provides respite, since dreams only bring them to life.
This panic, passionately grasping grips me, this waking torment. Misery, a dear friend, its companion woe, tear this soul like a butcher ripping tendons from bone.
Devilish ghouls arise from specters, touting proposals of damnation. Subtly whispering of pasts failed, futures denied - doubt, the subtle seeds of destruction are planted.
This gory place deep in a soul of darkness goes nowhere. The lights are failing, the exit seemingly unavailable. The horror sets in, as ghosts take shape in the shadows, waiting, waiting.
17.3.09
23.2.09
Living with the Epic, Pt. 1
The definition of an epic according to Dictionary.com is:
–adjective Also, ep⋅i⋅cal.
–noun
In this case, the definition we're looking for is probably number eight, "something worthy to form the subject of an epic." In a lot of ways, my mind/personality subscribes to an epic approach to life; it yearns for something beyond the humdrum, the everyday (as with many people I'd imagine; it is highly doubtful I'm alone). This could partially explain why stagnation, as I feel it, can be such a problem for me.
For a brief moment, I am going to talk about dreams. The dreams I'm referring to are the ones most people refer to as lifelong dreams (I'm not patronizing you, you already know this, whoever the hell you are). Most people have some long term goal, or an ultimate fantasy they are attempting to live up to. Granted, most people never achieve this goal, or their flight of fantasy is too extreme, or when it comes down to they just are not up to snuff; c'est la vie.
But really, what is worthy of being an epic? Surely the stories of many historic figures are epic, but are the stories of "Joe the Plumber" epic, or even worth being told? I guess it depends upon your personal relation to the story, or the person; someone like your father could have an epic story to you, but not to anyone else. Matters of perspective are never easily summed up.
Now that I've prattled on about a bunch of hodgepodge (it's related - somewhat), I'm going to talk a little bit about existing on an epic level. In order to do that, I'm going to talk about my ludicrous self, and why I exist so unreasonably.
Essentially, my personality demands life to be epic, so it has devised future scenarios, or tales of epic proportion. It has constructed entire histories of my life that haven't happened, and in multiple situations; all of them more epic than not. So, by creating the epic future, my mind has created various potentials of life to satisfy my ego. And there, whoever you are, lies the problem.
If the future is destined to epic, how does a mind that exists on an epic level deal with a thoroughly mediocre present? Mind you, average isn't always bad (and my life is quite good on many, many levels), and much joy can be attained from small things, but average is not epic. An epic mind doesn't think as much about the present, but more about the future, which makes coping with the present a messy problem.
I'm sure I'm not alone, and I feel that its completely appropriate that I have all of these tails of my non-existent exploits; on some level, that helps satisfy the "epic need" of my mind, but often tales of the present don't help this "epic need". Before I get terribly redundant, I'm going to cut this thought short and finish it another day - it's time to deal with the present, and unfortunately, it isn't very epic.
–adjective Also, ep⋅i⋅cal.
| 1. | noting or pertaining to a long poetic composition, usually centered upon a hero, in which a series of great achievements or events is narrated in elevated style: Homer's Iliad is an epic poem. |
| 2. | resembling or suggesting such poetry: an epic novel on the founding of the country. |
| 3. | heroic; majestic; impressively great: the epic events of the war. |
| 4. | of unusually great size or extent: a crime wave of epic proportions. |
| 5. | an epic poem. |
| 6. | epic poetry. |
| 7. | any composition resembling an epic. |
| 8. | something worthy to form the subject of an epic: The defense of the Alamo is an American epic. |
| 9. | (initial capital letter ) Also called Old Ionic. the Greek dialect represented in the Iliad and the Odyssey, apparently Aeolic modified by Ionic. |
In this case, the definition we're looking for is probably number eight, "something worthy to form the subject of an epic." In a lot of ways, my mind/personality subscribes to an epic approach to life; it yearns for something beyond the humdrum, the everyday (as with many people I'd imagine; it is highly doubtful I'm alone). This could partially explain why stagnation, as I feel it, can be such a problem for me.
For a brief moment, I am going to talk about dreams. The dreams I'm referring to are the ones most people refer to as lifelong dreams (I'm not patronizing you, you already know this, whoever the hell you are). Most people have some long term goal, or an ultimate fantasy they are attempting to live up to. Granted, most people never achieve this goal, or their flight of fantasy is too extreme, or when it comes down to they just are not up to snuff; c'est la vie.
But really, what is worthy of being an epic? Surely the stories of many historic figures are epic, but are the stories of "Joe the Plumber" epic, or even worth being told? I guess it depends upon your personal relation to the story, or the person; someone like your father could have an epic story to you, but not to anyone else. Matters of perspective are never easily summed up.
Now that I've prattled on about a bunch of hodgepodge (it's related - somewhat), I'm going to talk a little bit about existing on an epic level. In order to do that, I'm going to talk about my ludicrous self, and why I exist so unreasonably.
Essentially, my personality demands life to be epic, so it has devised future scenarios, or tales of epic proportion. It has constructed entire histories of my life that haven't happened, and in multiple situations; all of them more epic than not. So, by creating the epic future, my mind has created various potentials of life to satisfy my ego. And there, whoever you are, lies the problem.
If the future is destined to epic, how does a mind that exists on an epic level deal with a thoroughly mediocre present? Mind you, average isn't always bad (and my life is quite good on many, many levels), and much joy can be attained from small things, but average is not epic. An epic mind doesn't think as much about the present, but more about the future, which makes coping with the present a messy problem.
I'm sure I'm not alone, and I feel that its completely appropriate that I have all of these tails of my non-existent exploits; on some level, that helps satisfy the "epic need" of my mind, but often tales of the present don't help this "epic need". Before I get terribly redundant, I'm going to cut this thought short and finish it another day - it's time to deal with the present, and unfortunately, it isn't very epic.
8.1.09
We Are the Pretty, Petty Things
Judgement. Do not judge, lest you be judged is a lesson too few people learn. I am still learning it, but I do not see to damn myself in this life or another because of passing judgement. It matters not your religion, your lifestyle, or your background - if you pass judgement you are only limiting yourself.
This does not change how you should live your life, live it as you choose, but do not condemn yourself to idiocy by damning others, and then respectfully damning yourself. Judge not, lest ye be judged. That is all.
This does not change how you should live your life, live it as you choose, but do not condemn yourself to idiocy by damning others, and then respectfully damning yourself. Judge not, lest ye be judged. That is all.
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