Lyric and Commitment

This morning on the way to work a poem/lyrics formed in my brain. I don't know how much I even like it, or if its even good, but its better to write it down than to just pass it off as trash (I'd like to think it has at least something redeeming). What came to me goes as thus (in a very rough draft):
I'm tired of your tired refusal, to just accept the facts,
you know that you're wrong, and I know that you're wrong,
nobody is winning anymore,
this won't be one of those cute stories,
filled with fluff and faeries,
because here we stand in the gritty reality,
where nothing ever changes, another wasted day.

Its somewhat a stream of consciousness, attempting to sort through some subliminal thought. I don't feel that its complete, but I think it's trying to say something. I imagine it really is talking about refusal to change, and problems with committing to a long term goal, something greater than nothing.

A little bit on the same subject, today I've decided I'm ready to commit. I think as of late I've had commitment issues (and probably always will). Not relationship commitment issues, but life issues. Right now I'm basically uncommitted in just about everything except for being married which is very important to me (one anchor in a windswept sea). As far as life issues go though, there isn't much I'm committed in. I work in a dead end job, in which I can't permanently remain there and be able to support life in the long run. It isn't something I could be happy in for the rest of my life, period. Yes, I know work isn't necessarily supposed to be pleasurable, enjoyable, or fun, but even if its none of the above, it should lead somewhere. Dead end jobs are ridiculous.

I think some of my problem is that I become too comfortable being mediocre. I have issues with the word comfortable, because it seems to be one of my main objectives within this life. It is just fine and dandy to want to be comfortable, but when you don't get out of your shell anymore it becomes a major issue. I often find myself falling into this position, this lull of pacification, this mediocrity. To be comfortable to the point of non-progression is dangerous. It becomes stifling and immobilizing. It is depressing.

Currently I'm too comfortable in many things. First comes church. I'm far too comfortable being the lazy idiot who only bothers to go to one meeting, and don't put out any effort to do what I'm really supposed to do. Amazingly I'm actually doing fine on tithing this year, and I haven't missed a week yet, but everything else leaves something to be desired. I haven't made any effort to meet anyone in the ward (which would help), go to priesthood meeting, fulfill my calling as a home teacher, or do anything that takes ANY effort period. Church is something that I need to recommit myself to, otherwise I'll end up getting nowhere with it.

School is something else I need to recommit myself to. I am tired of working this two bit job, and in order to go back to school it will take some sacrifice. I won't be able to buy all of these movies, these books, these games. In reality they really aren't important; 50, even 10 years from now they may be obsolete (does that make me obsolete? I hope not). Is there momentary enjoyment worth it? To an extent yes, they do help me relax and cool down, but for heavens sake, I could be getting a degree instead of watching someone else be rich. I'm a huge consumer, which in this consumer society just makes others rich. Of course, there is no point in being rich if you don't consume at least a little. Anyway, I'm getting off on a tangent, this isn't my point. I will always buy these sorts of things, because I ENJOY these things, and they make my life more pleasurable. What I just need to commit to is the idea that if I hold off for now, it will be better later. It's a true statement, I just have a hard time committing to the principle (which needs to change).

When it comes to writing, as of I've said previously here, I am not lacking in ideas. I am lacking in execution, in committing to the story enough to sit down and write it. It is what I need to do, these stories will die with me, and I'd prefer that they didn't die. I need to commit to writing, to telling these stories, so I'm not the only one who can enjoy them, and so that people can hear what I have to say, who I was, what I was about.

In order for me to succeed I need to recommit myself to life, and to living my life like I'd like it to be lived. Choices and commitments that in mediocrity I am unwilling to make need to be made.

I am not someone lacking in passion or motivation. I am someone lacking in commitment, and I must change, I must commit to living life, and not be someone who is comfortable letting it pass me by.